The Goo Covered Golfer

McCullough’s Emerald Golf Links: The Goo Covered Golfer Story

 

Story Background: McCullough’s Emerald Golf Links is one of the first golf courses in New Jersey constructed on top of an old municipal land fill.  Steve and I are good friends and we try to golf together as much as possible. As it pertains to our golfing styles, I am full throttle, go for broke attitude while Steve is the laid back, conservative type guy.

 

Steve and I were excited to play the newly opened Scottish links style course during the first week of play on a beautiful, sunny, spring day.  While playing the first 10 holes, we noticed there were several areas marked off with yellow caution tape and numerous large, round vents, I’m assuming for the old trash dump below. 

 

Then we walked up to the tee on hole 11, 283 yards, par 3, 20 to 30 yards uphill, blind shot to the green, slight dog leg left the last 20 yards to the green. 5 yards past the back edge of the fairway is a 50 to 60 foot, steep slope down to a service road.  Steve tees off first, hitting his shot which disappears towards the green.  My tee shot, not knowing the fairway turns left just before the green, flew straight up hill and disappeared where I thought the green was located.  During the short cart ride up the hill, we both thought we hit great shots onto the green or just short.   When we arrived at the green, Steve’s ball was in the center of the fairway about 10 yards short of the green, my ball was not visible. After looking for my ball a few minutes, I found it on the downward side of the hill, it must have hit the fairway and rolled off.  The only problem was, it was sitting about two feet inside of a 10’ x 10’ area marked off with caution tape.  I was standing there looking at the ball and the caution tape, Steve walked over and asked what I was waiting for, go get the ball.  I was getting an uncomfortable feeling about the caution tape and told him I would just take a drop and stroke, and leave the ball there.  He keep urging me to get the ball, I told him I didn’t feel comfortable getting the ball, I had a weird feeling even through the terrain inside the marked off area looked similar to everything else in the area, you don’t put up caution tape for no reason. 

 

Steve finally got tired of waiting and decided to get my ball for me, moving the caution tape over his head as he ducked under it.  He stepped toward the marked off area leading with his left leg, which immediately sank into the ground up to the top of his thigh.  Trying to maintain his balance, he fell onto his back and started to sink while sliding backwards down the steep slope.  His arms and legs where flaying uncontrollably in the air and screaming HELP ME HELP ME!!!!   Shocked at what I was witnessing, I ran down the side of the caution tape and grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the ‘mystery’ mud.  After we gained our composure; we walked back up the slope to the fairway not uttering a word to each other.  It looked like he did a backward belly flop into a bed of cow shit.  After a minute or two of awkward silence, I asked him for my ball, simultaneously we both busted out laughing, tears running down our faces from laughing.  We walked over to the golf cart and I tried to clean the back of him off with our golf towels.  Still mostly covered with wet ‘mystery’ mud, or what ever that goo was, he grabbed his wedge and putter out of his bag and headed for his ball.  I could not believe he didn’t want to leave, he had goo from head to toe, and didn’t smell that great either.  We laughed uncontrollably for the next few holes.  When we finished the round and drove up to the club house, he got out of the cart and the bag guy just stood there with a blank stare, then he finally said, ‘I don’t want to know!’  I jokingly said we should go in for lunch, next thing I know I was ordering Mr. Conservative a soda (he doesn’t drink alcohol) and cheese burger while he was washing his hands in the bathroom. Not one person at the bar said a word or stared at him for looking like a poo covered freak. I paid his lunch bill for being such a good sport, I can not say I would have handled the situation the same way.